Author Archive

The end of the blog

Posted in Uncategorized on August 6, 2012 by Stephen Johnson (Jonk87)

Just a thank you to everyone who has read and returned to this blog over the years. It’s great to see it is still going strong picking up over 500 views each month despite my efforts uploading new content.

My relationship with my Swedish girlfriend ended a while ago and unfortunately the blog fell as a natural consequence. 

Follow me on Twitter @jonk87 or get in touch, I would love to hear from anyone who has read the blog.

Otherwise enjoy life and live it to the best you possibly can. 

P.S If you’re searching for a Swedish girlfriend and you ended up here, I can’t really help you! I met mine by chance in Ayia Napa. 

Five ways to improve your chances of getting a Swedish girlfriend

Posted in Sweden on June 6, 2010 by Stephen Johnson (Jonk87)

It’s the country that is stereotyped for having beautiful women year after year. An example can be seen in this photo which was taken from a calender. However, not all stereotypes are true, including this one.

I hate to disappoint a lot of the men out there but the Swedish race isn’t perfect. They seem to be more concerned with their diets and are probably more active in sports but not all are perfect. Nevertheless, a lot of people doesn’t mean everybody. And, a lot of people is still a lot of people :-#

If you still want the advice, read on!

I asked my girlfriend (In this video) for five bits of advice to help improve a man’s chances of attracting a Swedish girl. This is what she came up with!

1)Take an interest in the culture and learn a little about Sweden so we have something to talk about” That means following my blog more often!

2) I really like it when a guy knows a few words. You don’t need to learn the whole language because that looks desperate! Just learn, hello, how are you? Or, my name is, and that will break the ice and get a Swede interested.” Leave a comment if you want to know the translations and I’ll put them on.

3) “Be fun and not stuck up. English girls think less of you unless you conform to the norm. Swedish girls are different, we like fun, spontaneous, different and a bit out there.”

4) “Take an interest in Eurovision, we LOVE it so it will always be a talking point and good for conversation. It’s not hard, just watch it and look up some facts about it on Wikipedia. I’ll get you started, we have won it four times and the last time was 1999″

5) “We won’t be impressed if you know rude words in Swedish so don’t tell us them. We also don’t want to be reminded of the fact that we have a lucrative porn industry over here. Both are no-goes.”

There you have them. Enjoy and please leave a comment to let me know what you think of the advice or if you have any to share.

Video highlights from Sweden and Newcastle 2010

Posted in Uncategorized on June 2, 2010 by Stephen Johnson (Jonk87)

Hello all and thanks to the people that have regularly viewed my blog. I have uploaded a video I created earlier on this afternoon  for this post. For those who only know me from Twitter it provides a little insight into my life outside of the Twittersphere.

A lot of the ideas for my blog come from my trips to Sweden or through my girlfriend who gives me ideas to build on.

For this reason, I thought I should include her in my blog. Enjoy and please leave a comment.

Sweden’s performance in Eurovision and the World Cup 2010

Posted in Sweden with tags , , , on June 1, 2010 by Stephen Johnson (Jonk87)

The irony is in the title because there wasn’t one, just like there won’t be a world cup. What IS going on Sweden?

Sweden have always been one of the most successful countries in Eurovision, winning it four times since their first appearance in 1958. They also failed to qualify for the world cup, even though they have one of the best players in the world, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, playing for them. I haven’t seen him play much this season but he is amazing on Fifa and Pro Evolution so he must therefore still be at his best.

I have never visited a nation so enthusiastic about Eurovision before (they have Eurovision parties) and I know the people there are passionate about their footy; they must be devastated. If any consolation, England finished last in Eurovision but that’s different because we are proud of sucking at Eurovision and where it matters (the world cup) we are stronger than ever with Fabio Capello .

So tell me. What’s going on over there people? Defend your country! Or, just spend the summer supporting Denmark. (The team that helped to knock you out and qualify)

Gå Danmark!!!!!

“Ikea’s Kitchen Accessories – Gate 27”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 25, 2010 by Stephen Johnson (Jonk87)

Welcome to Ikea, the home of flat pack furniture, accessories and bathroom and Kitchen items.

Firstly, Ikea is huge.I felt like I was in an airport whilst walking around this superstore which seemed to have never ending pathways. It would not have surprised me if we were advised that the kitchen knives were in Gate 27 or if we were asked to show our passports before entering the bedding department. We had one of those airport trolleys to help carry the furniture and accessories we didn’t need but my girlfriend wanted. I was dreading the moment when I would have to tell her I wasn’t any good at DIY.

As we walked through the store my girlfriend made us stop at most parts of every section. She didn’t say anything, but I could tell by her excitement that she was for some reason proud that she and Ikea were both from Sweden. How can someone be proud to have a resemblance with a furniture store? I’m not proud of Marks and Spencer’s or John Lewis and I wasn’t bothered about the Woolworths’ stores shuting down.

Anyway, It got me thinking – Ikea is Sweden’s biggest retail outlet so it should be mentioned in the Totally Sweden blog. Also, how big is Ikea compared to other major outlets? Does it challenge as one of the biggest in the world? Why did I feel it had an uncanny resemblance to an airport? And, what other retail outlets are Sweden famous for?

Answers: According to the information presented by Retail Industry, The Ikea Group, is the 30th largest retailer in the world. H&M is the 60th and ICA AB is the 61st.

When looking at England’s biggest retailers there is Tesco at 4th biggest in the world and Sainsbury at 29th.

No one in England is proud to be from the same country that Tesco originated in. Why are Swedish people proud of Ikea? This is your opportunity to leave comments and defend the love you have for your store?

I don’t know why Ikea felt like an airport to me. I love airports because they generally mean going on holiday and I hated Ikea, maybe it was just the trolley.

If it is any consolation, Ikea may not be the biggest retailing store in the world but it is the biggest furniture selling store in the world.

To finish, check out these photos and a video of an advert Ikea made which was banned.

A tattoo of Ikea, really?

Sweden tenth most attractive country in the world

Posted in Uncategorized on May 11, 2010 by Stephen Johnson (Jonk87)

After browsing around The Local website, (Swedish news in English ) I stumbled across an article  which stated that Sweden was rated the 10th most attractive country in the world. Immediately this amazed me, I always thought of Sweden as that old boring cold place I had to go to when my g/f wanted to visit her parents.  The rating was conducted by Anholt-GfK Nation Brands Index (NBI), which measures the global image of 50 countries in terms of attractiveness and perceived qualities.

My judgement lacks any real substance because I have only visited Lund and Malmo and haven’t visited the capital. However, I believe that a lot of other English people share my ignorant views so I have decided to do a little research to see if Sweden can justify these ranking as the tenth most attractive country in the world.

Yes, the award has been justified, no questions asked. I think the poll should be conducted again and Sweden rated number 1.

…..just joking….

Below is a video which justifies Sweden’s number 10 ranking as one of the most attractive countries in the world. I wouldn’t rank the music in the video as one of the best video soundtracks in the world – probably one of the worst.

Learning the Swedish language

Posted in Sweden with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 6, 2010 by Stephen Johnson (Jonk87)

In case you were unaware, my girlfriend (Caroline) is Swedish, and occasionally we visit her family in Lund. The last time we visited, her parents expected me to know some of the Swedish language. This left me embarrassed as I had to admit that my ability to speak in their language was poor at best. To make things worse, under interrogation, the words that I thought I knew, I  forgot when put on the spot.

This experience not only left me looking like I lacked intelligence, it also make me look like I was ignorant of their culture. The latter, is at least true. My last visit to Sweden was four months ago and if anything I know even less of the language now than I did then.

This is a serious problem, the next time I visit they are going to expect me to be able to understand a variety of different words at least speak a few sentences.

So what’s the solution? I was running this morning in the gym and saw a commercial about Rosetta Stone – “It helps you to learn a new language naturally, the way you learn your native language as a child.”

The commercial looked pretty cool, it featured some kids throwing a ball about – Seeming a lot easier to use than the CD I currently have which pronounces words and then expects you to remember them. The problem is, the program costs £169, and that’s only for level 1.

I probably only need to master level 1 to gain approval from the parents – Is that worth £169?

For the value of a language program, I could buy: four nights out with my mates drinking; six Newcastle tickets for home matches and a balti pie to eat during every half-time; a years membership at my local gym; One copy of my University lecturer’s book, Online Public Relations, for £17.94 at Amazon and 300 cups of coffee from the University canteen to drink while I read it; one night at Aspers Casino or many other alternatives.

This decision is even harder than the one I had to make when choosing which political party to vote for in the general election.

Below is video advert for Rosetta Stone, pretty condescending I think.

Anyone know any cheaper language programs? Please let me know.